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Almost everybody knows it's a good idea to run a comb through your hair and brush your teeth before a date. But that's pretty much where dating's common ground ends.

But when someone is putting his or her best, spit-shined foot forward for you, make sure you take a look at the other foot, which your date may have overlooked. In high school, I went to the homecoming dance with a cute boy who had been in such a rush to pick me up that he only had time to wash one side of his car -- the passenger side. Although I didn't know it at the time, the half-washed car was a big, red flag that self-maintenance wasn't his strong point. And I'm not exactly the kind of girl who color-coordinates her wardrobe, either.

Years later, when we were living together, our apartment was a mess. When one of us actually got around to doing the dishes, we wanted a cookie for it. "Come into the kitchen," he'd say. "Look at this counter. Have you ever seen a kitchen counter this shiny?"

"Yeah, well, who put the groceries away?" I'd respond. "You'll never guess where the ice cream is." I'd open the freezer door, and be like, "Bam! In the freezer! Bet you didn't expect me to bust out with that, did you?"

Looking for a more-balanced perspective, I hit up the pseudo-sophisticates at Blue Martini in Fort Lauderdale. I figured I wouldn't find very many people here who earn red flags themselves. I started with Tommy and Pauly, two round, strong men who were in town from New York.

"Red flags depend on what you're looking for," Tommy says. "When I was 18, I was looking for the biggest tits. Now, I'm looking for that click, that mesh. I need that total package."

Red flag No. 1: Complaining

Tommy is wary of women who complain too much. "When a girl complains, you gotta make the best out of a situation," he warns. "If you're out in a restaurant and there's no waitress for 15 minutes, don't complain. If the waitress is busy and your date complains that it's taking too long, it seems that she's unaware of the situation. It's a selfish act. That's not a person you would want as a partner."

Tommy says this red flag indicates "that person may be hard to please. Later, something that could be appreciated might be taken for granted. If you can't break bread with a person on a date, that's bad. Do you have any idea how many meals you will share together in a relationship?"

Red flag No. 2: The ball buster

"To put it bluntly," Pauly says, "don't bust my balls. Don't try to start arguments. If the light's out in the kitchen, don't keep telling me about it. Once you've made that clear, don't bug me about it on Saturday and say, 'Remember to go by Home Depot to pick up that light.' "

As Pauly is explaining this, a 31-year-old Jersey girl named Allison at the next table overhears him. She says she recently left her boyfriend because he called her a ball buster.

Red flag No. 3: Guys who say, "Don't bust my balls"

"It means don't bother him. 'Don't fuck with me. Don't nudge me,' " Allison explains. "If I'm telling a guy about what he did and didn't do, and he's says, 'Don't bust my balls,' he means, 'I'm not going to bother to fix the problem.' "

Red flag No. 4: The constant caller

There's nothing quite like the triumphant ringing of your telephone to confirm that your charms have captivated another person. It proves that the caller is thinking about you. And that's cute, right? But when your phone keeps ringing, it means the person never stops thinking about you, and that's kind of scary.

"If a girl calls too much, it means that she could have stalking issues," says A.J., a handsome, recently divorced 32-year-old I meet at the back bar. "It doesn't mean that she is a stalker, but it's a red flag that she could be."

Red flag No. 5: Family issues

Your family is the one group of people you have total license to take for granted. For that reason, how you talk about them is a strong indication of your character. Your family shapes you and determines how you will treat people who become a part of your life.

"When a girl starts talking about family problems," A.J. observes, "it's a big red flag. If she constantly complains about her family, then how is she going to treat me?"

Red flag No. 6: Willing to have sex too soon

The realm of physical intimacy is probably the one place where it is advisable to put off till tomorrow what you can do today. Much as the double standard annoys me, this advice particularly applies to women when it comes to making an impression on a potential partner.

"Even on the second date, if a girl starts taking her pants off," A.J. argues, "it's not going to be serious."

A.J. admits that even though he may try to initiate sex, the woman should rebuff him. "Guys like it when you don't go along."

"So," I had to ask, "guys like not getting laid?"

"Sounds weird, right? You shouldn't be having sex in the first week of dating."

"What about the second week?" I ask.

"The second week is all right."

Red flag No. 7: Getting too emotional too fast

People who jump in headfirst are either desperate, crazy or hobby daters. When a friend of mine named Lola told me about her first date with a guy she called the Frenchie, alarms went off. From the stories I've heard, the French can be quick to fall desperately in love. One of my best gay friends was dating a Parisian man. On their first date, he scored an "I love you." On the second date, the man said to him, "If I see you looking at anyone else, I'll kill you."

Anyway, Lola happened to be friends with the waiter at the restaurant where she went with her potential paramour. During dinner, her date complained that Lola was making too much eye contact with the waiter and was laughing too much when she talked to him.

Guess what? It didn't take long before this guy was calling Lola from outside her house, saying, "I know you're home. Why aren't you calling me back?"

Eventually, she had to tell him, "Stay away from me."

Observing red flags means never having to get a restraining order. Of course, something strange happens when you become romantically involved with another person. It's easy to be struck blind. But once you're pulled into the vortex of that person's psychic drama, it becomes difficult to extricate yourself or even remember what life was like before having that demented worldview imposed on you.

Sure, we're all going to get our balls busted once in a while. But red flags are obvious, telltale signs that a person will make you seriously unhappy. Heed them.

Courtney Hambright's column appears every other week.