From the South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Sheets music

We provide a soundtrack for sex; you provide the lube.

July 18 2007

Some things you never want to hear while having sex: "I've had better," "This sure is a nice Kia" and "Let Oprah have a turn." Some other things you never want to hear: country music, show tunes or anything by Weird Al Yankovic. So to help you drown out the sound of your lover's calling out another's name or asking you to quote dialogue from Transformers, we've compiled a list of songs perfectly suited for doing the dirty, with a recommended position or sex act for each.

"I'm a Slave 4 U" by Britney Spears

Position: Amazon. The woman gets on top and pins her partner down with her arms. Best performed by women with shaved heads.

"Cowboy" by Kid Rock

Position: Reverse cowgirl. The woman rides her partner while facing his feet. Required attire: a cowboy hat, boots and nothing else.

"Closer" by Nine Inch Nails

Position: The climb. The man stands up while holding a woman who wraps her legs around him. This move works great in elevators and airplane bathrooms.

"Waterfalls" by TLC

Sex act: Golden shower. One partner urinates on the other. Just don't eat asparagus beforehand.

"Big Poppa" by Notorious B.I.G.

Position: Doggy style while holding a Big Mac. This is a convenient way to work off your dinner.

"Crazy Bitch" by Buckcherry

Position: Flying rhino. A woman straps a dildo to her head, gets on all fours, screams like Dino from The Flintstones and charges her partner. Necessary accessories: Red Bull and plenty of lube.

"I'd Die Without You" by P.M. Dawn

Sex act: Erotic asphyxiation. Cut off your partner's oxygen supply in the middle of sex to heighten his or her orgasm. Just don't fall asleep and leave your partner tied up.

-- compiled by City Link staff