They say it's not the gift but the thought that counts. While that sentiment is nice and seasonal and all, if you've ever torn open a gift-wrapped package to find that you had suddenly become the owner of, say, a lime-green pair of breakaway pants, you know some people put far less thought into the transaction than others. So, to assist the Santa-challenged, we've compiled the following 37 cool gift ideas in the hope that this year, for once, you won't have to ask -- or hear -- that timeless holiday question: "Did you keep the receipt?"
DVDS
Da Ali G Show: Da Compleet First Seazon
A hit in Britain before being picked up by HBO for broadcast in the United States, Da Ali G Show is the brainchild of Sacha Baron Cohen, an undeniably brave comedian who, as the titular "hip-hop journalist," ambushes some of the world's most powerful people with his hilariously ignorant interviewing style. Witness Ali G's buttonholing former United Nations Secretary-General Boutros Boutros-Ghali (whose name does not go unmocked) to explain why Disneyland isn't a member. Or his flat-out bewildering of former U.S. Surgeon General C. Everett Koop with questions about evil skeletons and the possibility of having a boom box surgically implanted in his abdomen. Cohen also treats audiences to Bruno, the flamboyantly gay host of the fake Austrian TV show Funkyzeit mit Bruno, who slyly gets members of the fashion industry to reveal the depths of their vacuity. The best of Cohen's characters, though, is the Kazakh host of Borat's Guide to America, whose mangled English and inappropriate comments about sex, bodily functions and his dead wife result in some of the most uncomfortably funny moments on television.
Price: $29.95
Find it: at
www.hbo.com or wherever DVDs are sold
The OC: The Complete First Season
Now in its second season, The OC may have already jumped the shark -- what with The Bait Shop nightclub trying too hard to be Beverly Hills 90210's Peach Pit and the writers beating the audience to death with the hokey Chrismukkah -- but the first season was a marvel. The show was golden from the start, as Ryan, the bad boy from Chino, moved in with the simultaneously ingratiating and grating Cohens in posh Newport. Throw into the mix the blissful Summer, witty babble-mouth Seth and how-much-longer-can-she-get-by-on-her-looks Marissa, and the show could run on autopilot. But creator Josh Schwartz kept working at full tilt, writing hilarious dialogue and hyping things onward and upward with weekly high-society fistfights and titillating scenes such as Summer trying to seduce Seth while dressed as Wonder Woman. It's a classic. Extras in the 27-episode, seven-disc DVD collection include unaired scenes and an onscreen music-track guide for select episodes.
Price: $69.99
Find it: at
www.warnervideo.com/oc or wherever DVDs are sold
The L Word: Season One
Showtime doesn't quite have the audience of HBO, but its willingness to program for gay viewers is winning it many fans. Since Queer as Folk is geared more to gay men, The L Word has lured in many lesbian viewers, as well as straight men who mistakenly thought they were watching softcore porn. The new five-disc DVD is sure to produce even more fans. The series starts out as rather silly with melodramatic plot twists, but as the show progresses and the characters of these Los Angeles lesbians become more developed and engaging, The L Word entertains to the point of addiction. The attractive Jennifer Beals and Laurel Holloman play a stable couple around whom the other single women's lives revolve. But at the end of the season, they aren't anywhere near as stable, providing a cliffhanger in anticipation of season two. Even The New York Times noted the trendiness of the hairstyles and clothes the actresses wear on the show.
Price: $69.99
Find it: at
www.sho.com or wherever DVDs are sold
CDS
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Official Soundtrack by various artists
Take a time warp way back to the early 1990s with these 23 songs featured on the latest title in the hit Grand Theft Auto series. In keeping with the game's realistic, ultraviolent play are contributions by gangsta rap stars Cypress Hill ("How I Could Just Kill a Man"), Tupac ("I Don't Give a Fuck"), Slick Rick ("Children's Story") and Compton's Most Wanted ("Hood Took Me Under"). Sampling selections from the game's 10 fictional radio stations, the two-CD soundtrack is surprisingly cohesive, with the aforementioned rap tracks sharing disc space with Eddie Money's "Two Tickets to Paradise," Heart's "Barracuda," Willie Nelson's "Crazy" and Rick James' "Cold Blooded," among others. Nine Inch Nails fans will want to head directly to the second disc's bonus track, a faithful cover of "Head Like a Hole" by current hitmakers AFI. The eight-CD set is sure to be even better.
Price: $21.95 for two-disc set, $51.98 for eight-disc set
Find it: at
www.interscope.com or wherever CDs are sold
O by Damien Rice
If ever there was a perfect merger of music and images, it can be found in the movie Closer. In the film's opening sequence, when Natalie Portman walks down the street and catches the obsessive attention of Jude Law, Ireland's Damien Rice can be heard singing, "I can't take my eyes off of you," from his song "The Blower's Daughter." Rice's "Cold Water" is also featured in the film, leaving many moviegoers to seek out the music's source. So where can you find these haunting songs? Well, don't look for the soundtrack, and beware that Josh Groban also has an unrelated 2003 album titled Closer. No, look for Rice's 2003 album O.
Price: $21.48; $25.51 for CD with bonus DVD
Find it: at
www.damienrice.com or wherever CDs are sold
Has Been by William Shatner
While William Shatner's musical forays have always been considered something of a joke (check out his classic, golden-throated take on "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds"), at least he is in on it, as evidenced by the title of his latest CD, Has Been. So how did a CD by Captain Kirk make this gift guide? For starters, check out the collaborators he assembled to complement his distinctive, spoken-sung delivery: Ben Folds (who also produced), Aimee Mann, Joe Jackson, Henry Rollins and Brad Paisley, among others. The album features original songs by Shatner; tracks written exclusively for the project by Folds, Rollins and others; and a surprisingly decent cover of Pulp's hit "Common People." Set your phasers to "huh?" and enjoy.
Price: $18.95; $65 for a signed copy
Find it: at
www.williamshatner.com or wherever CDs are sold
The Complete U2 Digital Box Set
The first -- and obviously the most exhaustive -- digital box set ever released contains 446 songs by U2, including the band's new album, How To Dismantle an Atomic Bomb; all the group's previous albums; more than 100 rare live cuts, remixes, covers, demos and B-sides; and 40 previously unreleased tracks. The box set also packs a PDF digital booklet featuring album art, track listings and band commentary. Want more? Hop over to
www.apple.com, purchase a black-and-red U2 special-edition iPod for $349 and receive an iTunes Music Store coupon that you can use to save $50 when you purchase the digital box set.
Price: $149.99
Find it: at
www.apple.com/itunes
BOOKS
McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Issue 13
McSweeney's editor Dave Eggers handed over the reins of his literary publication to cartoon genius Chris Ware for an edition devoted solely to comics. Ware coerced or cajoled contributions from well-known comic scribes such as R. Crumb, Lynda Barry, Art Spiegelman, Ben Katchor and the brilliant Daniel Clowes, as well as obscurer, journalistic cartoonists Kim Deitch and Joe Sacco, who chronicle life on Death Row and in war-ravaged Serbia, respectively. Featuring a luxuriously inked wraparound cover by Ware -- which unfolds into a broadsheet of his trademark existential cartoons -- and essays on comics by the likes of NPR's Ira Glass and novelist John Updike, McSweeney's No. 13 is a rich and beautiful book that's stuffed with intriguing items for the eye and the mind.
Price: $24
Find it: at
www.mcsweeneys.net or a bookstore near you
It's a Bird …
A comic book writer gets the chance of a lifetime: to work on the iconic DC title Superman. Thing is, he's not particularly fond of the caped Kryptonian and is facing all kinds of hurdles in his personal life, including owning up to the possibility of inheriting a debilitating genetic ailment. In Steven T. Seagle's semi-autobiographical story, the writer skillfully wraps his personal saga around meditations about Superman and his place in our culture. This allows Seagle to explore themes such as "fitting in" or "passing" -- which perhaps was easier for Clark Kent than, say, the Jewish accountant or black janitor at The Daily Planet -- as well as how Superman, a foreigner himself, embodied the hopes and dreams of America's many immigrants. Seagle's thoughtful ruminations are wonderfully illustrated by Denmark-based painter Teddy H. Kristiansen, who uses a variety of impressionistic styles to get to the emotional truth of the tale.
Price: $24.95
Find it: at
www.dccomics.com/vertigo or a comics store near you
Silent Hill: Dying Inside
Silent Hill, a city by the sea, harbors some dark magic, as visitors are forced to confront their demons quite literally. Spurred by rumors of weird goings-on, Lynn, a student filmmaker, foolishly decides to explore Silent Hill and is deeply traumatized by the horror she encounters. In a form of immersion therapy, a well-meaning psychiatrist takes her back to the scene of her trauma, only to have to face skeletons from his own closet. The second part of the tale involves a group of punk and goth kids led by the spiky-haired Lauryn, who thinks maybe she can profit off the macabre reputation of Silent Hill. At first skeptical, Lauryn, too, must deal with troubling aspects of her past, namely her little sister who was kidnapped and killed and now reigns over the hellish city and its demonic denizens. Based on the best-selling video game, Silent Hill is creepily illustrated by the red-hot Ben Templesmith, whose smeary, splattery illustrations perfectly convey the violence and horror of the first half of the book, and newcomer Aadi Salman, whose raw and murky paintings do much the same in the concluding chapters.
Price: $19.99
Find it: at
www.idwpublishing.com or a comics store near you
Heidi Klum's Body of Knowledge: 8 Rules of Model Behavior (To Help You Take Off on the Runway of Life)
Appearing recently on The View, supermodel Heidi Klum boldly suggested that women in the workplace use their femininity and sex appeal to get ahead. If she'd watched the first season of The Apprentice, she would have been aware that this approach is quite trendy. The German-born model, a veteran of Victoria's Secret and Sports Illustrated modeling gigs, recently had a baby yet shows no sign of it at all. One of her hints: "Make people see you as you want to be seen," which might be much easier said than done when you're as gorgeous as she is. In addition to her secrets to beautiful success, Klum shares some of her friends' secrets, too, including those of U2's Bono and fellow supermodel Tyra Banks.
Price: $27.50
Find it: at
www.randomhouse.com/crown or a bookstore near you
He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth To Understanding Guys
The legend behind this million-selling nonfiction book is that authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo were having a conversation while writing for HBO's gone-but-not-forgotten hit series Sex and the City. Their little talk evolved into an episode and was eventually expanded into book form. Evidently, many women want to know why men are standoffish in the love department. The writers have just sold the concept to New Line Cinema for untold millions. In the plot for the movie, a female talk-show host becomes involved with one of her guests, who, we presume, isn't that into her.
Price: $19.95
Find it: at
www.simonsays.com or a bookstore near you
VIDEO GAMES
Red Dead Revolver
(For PlayStation 2 and Xbox)
Red Dead Revolver got lost in the commotion of Rockstar Games' other big title, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, but it's a great bargain nonetheless. Best described as GoldenEye in the Wild West, Red Dead Revolver carries an interesting plot, fast action and addictive play.
Price: $49.99
Find it: at
www.reddeadrevolver.com or wherever video games are sold
Katamari Damacy
(For PlayStation 2)
In this surreal action game from Japan, players control a little green man using a ball to collect items in a king-size Lego world. The more you collect, the bigger the ball gets -- to the point where you can roll over animals, houses and, yes, people. The game is easy to pick up, making it ideal for novice gamers yet challenging enough for the hardcore. The awesome J-Pop soundtrack is a plus.
Price: $19.88
Find it: wherever video games are sold
Viewtiful Joe 1 and 2
(For PlayStation 2 and GameCube)
Although part one of Capcom's critically acclaimed action series was released earlier this year, part two is already in stores. Both are hard-hitting, old-school arcade games reminiscent of classics like Ghosts 'n' Goblins, and they're perfect for the player who completes games in a single weekend.
Price: $29.88 (part one), $35.99 (part two)
Find it: at
www.capcom.com/vj or wherever video games are sold
Pikmin 2
(For GameCube)
Nintendo's sequel to this quirky adventure title surpasses the original. Reminiscent of the old-school game Lemmings, Pikmin 2 allows players to command a group of tiny, treasure-hunting aliens through strange environments. Playing the game is such an engaging experience, it's not unusual to spend hours going after a trinket.
Price: $49.99
Find it: at
www.nintendo.com or wherever video games are sold
Taiko: Drum Master
(For PlayStation 2)
In this rhythm game from Namco, players hit a drum along to a beat. The songs, from Jet's "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" to Britney Spears' "Toxic," add to the game's appeal. Sold with a special controller, Taiko Drum Master is more expensive than most games, but it's guaranteed to please any music lover.
Price: $59.99
Find it: wherever video games are sold
MISCELLANEOUS
Pimp cups
For the Mack Daddy on your holiday list, check out some of the jingle-blinging items at
www.icedoutgear.com. Playas and wannabes will be the envy of the office when they stroll to the water cooler or coffee machine with their own personalized pimp cup. Available in various styles, from the Don Juan silver chalice to the black "Cashville" pimp cup, these fake-jewel-encrusted goblets tell the world to step off, though inscriptions can be only five letters long (unless, of course, you select the Beg for Mercy style, which sports just one big letter). Other iced-out items include custom silver belt buckles, lighted spinner pendants and buckles, engraved dog tags and the "Famous 50 Cent Cross." The site guarantees delivery by Christmas if you order by Dec. 16 for regular shipping or by Dec. 20 for priority shipping.
Price: $14.95-$49.95
Find it: at
www.icedoutgear.com
Sex toys
Sometimes, getting groans for the gifts you give is a good thing. Elicit such guttural responses from your partner with one of the holiday gift kits available from Toys in Babeland. Get right to the heart of the matter with the G-Spot Jingle, which promises a sleigh ride to ecstasy with such items as the Nubby G vibrator, a Silver Bullet vibe and a book on how to find the elusive spot ($35, including batteries and lube). Or you might get the ol' Yule log roaring with the Hands-On Holiday kit, which contains couples-friendly items such as Dirty Dice, Charlie Sunshine Massage Oil, edible finger paints and Chocolate Supreme Love Cream ($35). Then, you can greet 2005 with a bang and a whimper by ordering the Naughty New Year package ($54), complete with all kinds of dirty suggestions on Get Nasty cards, a Silver Slimline vibrator and more. The Sexy Stocking Stuffers package ($16) contains a few items sure to put some tingle in your Kringle, including the Silver Bullet vibe, batteries, condoms and lube. Make it a very merry holiday indeed.
Price: varies
Find it: at
www.babeland.com
Sex toys for the lonely
Hustler Hollywood celebrates the season in a way you'd expect from the Larry Flynt-owned sex-shop chain -- by hawking the Santa Slut look. Seasonal lingerie consisting of red fabric with poofy white trim allows women to give new meaning to the term Santa's little helper. And gift ideas range from bachelorette-party novelties such as the penis tiara for $3.99 to the help-me-I'm-so-freaking-lonely life-size vagina molded to the specs of porn star Janine for $119.99. Heck, the store even carries a life-size, fleshy rubber sex doll. But we couldn't see its price, and we weren't about to ask. We have our pride to consider.
Price: varies
Find it: at
www.hustlerhollywood.com or 1500 E. Sunrise Blvd., Fort Lauderdale
The Robosapien
This 14-inch-tall, remote-control robot walks forward and backward, leans over in four directions and is agile enough to pick paper off the floor or lift a bulky item -- like a bottle of beer -- and retrieve it on command. This cybercreature is also programmed to have a personality and will sometimes break into a dance while doing chores. Let's see your dog do that.
Price: $99.95
Find it: at
www.hammacher.com, Best Buy, Toys R Us, Sharper Image, Burdines-Macy's or wherever robots are sold
Illuminated keyboard
What do you get the person who spends all his free time glued to a computer recording every detail of his life in a blog, obsessively searching for new music or satisfying an addiction for up-to-the-minute news? An exercise ball would be the logical answer, but he'd probably just return it and spend the money on an illuminated keyboard instead. This lighted keyboard allows users to sit in the dark and still see what they're typing. A flick of a switch makes the keyboard glow blue. Available in metallic silver or metallic black.
Price: $59.95
Find it: at
www.fentek-ind.com/illuminated.htm or by calling 800/639-0710
Adbusters posters
If you want to stage your own little protest against name-brand snobbery, purchase some of the cool anti-everything-commercial posters from the culture-jamming fiends at Adbusters. The devastating posters (about $20 each) go to the heart of anti-consumerism. Look for the one that puts Joe Camel in his proper perspective.
Price: varies
Find it: at
www.adbusters.org/orders
Magazine subscriptions
If you're looking for the perfect gift for a person with very specialized interests, try Magazania: The Magazine Superstand. Found online at
www.magazania.com since 1998, the site offers 1,500 magazine titles, including publications you never would have dreamed existed. All About Beer, for instance, reports on the full range of available beers and the political and social issues that affect the pleasure of beer drinking. Xbox Nation offers reviews, previews and game strategy tips for Xbox addicts. The site also carries magazines geared toward camcorder enthusiasts, horror fanatics, screenwriters, shopaholics, ferret owners and shoe freaks, among others. Gift subscriptions are available, with the first issue arriving soon after the order is placed.
Price: varies
Find it: at
www.magazania.com
Red Rider Leg Lamp
The "major award" featured in the classic holiday comedy A Christmas Story, the Red Rider Leg Lamp proudly stands 44 inches tall, sports a fishnet stocking and is topped with a gold shade and fringe. For a few extra bucks and to feel like Ralphie's dad in the movie, you can have the lamp shipped to your recipient's door in a wooden crate imprinted with the word fragile. See Red Rider's Web site for testimonials on the lamp, including one from the 1st Recon Battalion, 1st Marine Division stationed in Iraq.
Price: $139.99
Find it: at
www.redriderleglamps.com
iPod hoodie
Naked iPods are so last year. Check out C. Ronson's iPod hoodie, a miniature sweatsuit jacket made just for Apple's popular portable music player. Choose from blue or pink.
Price: $24
Find it: at
www.fredflare.com or by calling 718/599-9221
Light Orb LED Nightlight
The Orb casts a moonglowlike wash of color with a programmable set of red, green and blue LEDs, allowing for static colors as well as rainbow effects in varying degrees of brightness. The Orb plugs into any outlet, and you'll never need to replace a bulb.
Price: $13.90
Find it: at
www.glowbug.com
Volunteer Broward
Since it is the holiday season, the best gift is also priceless: your time and effort to make a difference. Volunteer Broward provides a central focus for the coordination of volunteer activities and services within Broward County. It refers individuals and groups to more than 600 nonprofit organizations with more than 6,000 volunteer opportunities.
Price: nothing but your time
Find it: at
www.volbrow.org or by calling 954/522-6761
Natural beauty and personal-care products
The EPA has identified as hazardous many of the ingredients commonly found in beauty and personal care products, and these poisons are easily absorbed through the skin. Help a friend or relative avoid hormone disruption, cancer and neurological problems by switching to natural body care. Lipstick from Gabriel and Zuzu Luxe (about $12.50) looks great even without cancer-causing coal-tar colors. Zuzu eye shadow (about $10.50) comes in shades such as Ice Princess and Absinthe. Wild Oats and Whole Foods stores carry numerous brands of nontoxic products such as shampoos (a 12-ounce bottle of Nature's Gate costs about $6.50), handmade soaps, lotions, facial masks and cosmetics. Add a bottle of versatile (and organic) Dr. Bronner's soap, put it all in an attractive wicker basket with a copy of the book Drop Dead Gorgeous by Kim Erickson ($16.95) and you might have just saved someone's life.
Price: varies
Find it: at any Wild Oats or Whole Foods store
Uglydolls
These fuzzy, plush creatures are kind of ugly, but in a cute and cuddly way. Ox has a scar where one eye should be. Cinko has three eyes and what look like suction cups on his long arms. Ice Bat is blue, fanged and bug-eyed. He claims to want to sit next to your frozen computer. Wedgehead has, well, a wedge-shaped head. Babo is gray with buckteeth. He's loyal but comes with a warning not to leave him alone with any cash or cookies lying around. In 2001, artists David Horvath and Sun-Min Kim created the first Uglydoll, an orange working stiff named Wage who wears a strange apron. They sold out within a few days at a store called Giant Robot in Los Angeles. Now, the line includes nine characters, with more on the way.
Price: $20
Find it: at
www.uglydolls.com or by calling 866/439-8459
Baby Phat phone
Designed by Kimora Lee Simmons, wife of hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons, this diamond-encrusted beauty is as much jewelry as cell phone. She has pimped the Motorola i833 (functional only with Nextel networks) with plenty of what she calls "girls' best friends" and a daintily quilted pink exterior so the user's manicured fingernails don't get scratched.
Price: $699
Find it: at
www.babyphat.com, Burdines-Macy's and Bloomingdales
Jesus paraphernalia
While it's primarily known for one of the best selections of hilariously sloganed T-shirts -- say, "Wal-Mart: Your source for cheap plastic shit" or "I only date crack whores" -- Clothes Encounters in Fort Lauderdale's Gateway Shopping Plaza has so much more. Given that Jesus' birthday is just around the corner, it's the extensive line of Jesus items that really sells us on the store. There's Dashboard Jesus (motto: "Enlightenment on a spring"), Action-Figure Jesus (and don't forget his Old Testament counterpart, Action-Figure Moses) and Christmas cards that also feature the Lord and Savior. Some cards simply offer pleasantries offered by the Messiah, such as the card depicting Jesus among a herd of sheep, sighing, "Oh, Fluffy. You're the only one who understands me." But other cards offer Jesusness that you can use, such as the Cookin' With Jesus card that features recipes for Mount Olive loaf, Bethlehem lamb stew and Mary Magdalene's holiday tarts. It all serves to remind us that Christmas is more than just crass commercialism. It's all about the Big J.C., Superstar. Oh, and the store also sells a whole trunk full of sex toys.
Price: varies
Find it: at Clothes Encounters, 1952 E. Sunrise Blvd., Gateway Plaza, Fort Lauderdale (954/522-2228)
FOOD AND DRINK
Risk Taker's Gift Basket
Forget cheer, this is a basket of fear. The Risk Taker's gift basket includes Mega Death sauce, chipotle-chip cookies, wasabi peas, jalapeńo popcorn, chips, Whoop-Ass peanuts and Ass-Kickin' Snack Mix that are guaranteed to send you running for water.
Price: $45
Find it: at
www.urbn.com, at Urban Outfitters stores (locations in Aventura, Miami and Miami Beach) or by calling 800/282-2200
TailGator
Who says slushy drinks are for sissies? Just yank the starter cord on the TailGator gas-powered blender and step back. A 24 cc, two-stroke, 2 1/4-horsepower engine powers this steel-shafted beast. That's enough horses to whip up a 60-ounce pitcher of margaritas in 15 seconds. The optional Cordura carrying case ($70) with backpack straps holds the TailGator and two bottles.
Price: $299
Find it: at
www.tailgatorzone.com or at Ocean Traders Limited, 2428 N. Federal Highway, Lighthouse Point (954/783-0610 or
www.oceantraders.com)
Take-a-Belt Booze Belt
Coasters? We don't need no stinking coasters! With After 5's mobile Take-a-Belt Booze Belt, you'll be the most popular host or hostess in South Florida. The thermally molded foam and nylon web belt includes two holsters for whatever liquor you're into (liquor not included), as well as six ammo slots for shotgun-shell shot glasses (included). The adjustable belt fits most, except maybe your hideously large Uncle Elmer, who shouldn't be drinking anyway.
Price: $89.95
Find it: at
www.after5catalog.com
Mr. Beer Home Brewery
One of the great things about brewing your own beer is that you can create a variety of tastes with the alcohol content of your choosing. The bad thing about brewing your own beer is, well, you have to make it yourself. Anyone who has tried this knows it isn't easy. The premium brew kit by Mr. Beer gives rookie brewers the confidence to make batch after batch with no fear. The recipe booklet simplifies the steps to making a frothy libation. The ingredients for each batch make 20 12-ounce beers in about a week. The kit includes everything needed to turn a dorm room into a brewery, including reusable bottles and caps.
Price: $39.99
Find it: at
www.mrbeer.com
The Bucket Bar
The Bucket Bar provides all the tools anyone needs to build the perfect drink. It includes: a 5-gallon bucket with internal 5-quart insulated ice compartment; four 26-ounce flasks; a 13-ounce shaker; 25 plastic 10-ounce glasses; margarita salt; cocktail straws; a strainer; ice tongs; a wine bottle/can opener; a cutting board; condiment sword picks; a 150-drink recipe guide; and four exterior liquor-bottle pockets (liquor not included).
Price: $89.95
Find it: at
www.after5catalog.com