SouthFlorida.com | City Link Magazine

When the National Hurricane Center ran out of storm names and started going Greek alphabet on us, most of us just laughed -- but only a little. The storms overwhelmed our senses this year, yet while we were breathing generator fumes and showering at strangers' houses, the world kept turning.

So let's switch gears. Forget Wilma and Katrina and recall that thunderous battle between Jacki-O and Foxy Brown at Circle House Studios in Miami. Let's forget the howling winds and fondly reminisce about the hissing boos Ashlee Simpson received at the Orange Bowl. To hell with images of devastation and destruction -- let's savor the image of Diddy upsetting People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals by featuring live penguins at his party at Miami Beach's Hotel Victor.

Hey, if we can't have peace and equality, we'll take what we can get. And following is a month-by-month breakdown of what we got.

JANUARY

• Performing in the halftime show at the FedEx Orange Bowl in Miami, Ashlee Simpson is booed by a crowd of approximately 72,000 nonfans.

• While at a john's apartment in Hollywood, a hooker discovers child porn on a computer and calls the police. "It's pretty bad when you have a known prostitute who discovers this child pornography and finds it so repugnant and so offensive that she basically turns her john in," Hollywood Police Capt. Tony Rode says.

• Etiquette expert Marjabelle Young Stewart names Hollywood among the nation's Top 10 politest cities. "These people are polite," she says.

• Donald Trump says his third "I do," this time with fashion model Melania Knauss in Palm Beach.

• President Bush's job-approval rating is 52 percent.

FEBRUARY

• Radio ratings loser WZTA (94.9-FM) becomes Mega 94.9. Its new slogan is "Latino and proud."

• Bill Lepeska, a homeless day laborer with the name Anna tattooed on his right bicep, swims across Biscayne Bay trying to reach tennis star Anna Kournikova's Sunset Island home. He arrives on the wrong island and is found spread-eagle in a lawn chair.

• A 28-year-old Monroe County prosecutor named Albert Tasker plans to strip off his clothes, streak across a Key West motel parking lot and jump into his friend's car. The plan backfires when Tasker hops into the wrong car. The woman in the car calls 911, and Tasker is arrested on charges of indecent exposure.

• Animal-rights activists are outraged when a party hosted by Sean "Diddy" Combs at Hotel Victor in Miami Beach includes live penguins in a Plexiglas box suspended above a pool. "I don't think people have to be an animal activist to see that it's wrong to keep penguins in the middle of a party," Jennifer O'Connor of PETA told The Miami Herald.

• Promoters planning a St. Patrick's Day festival in Fort Lauderdale try to convince Broward County environmental regulators that dumping 40 pounds of fluorescent-green dye into the New River is a good idea. The officials decide otherwise.

• President Bush's job-approval rating is 51 percent.

MARCH

• Palm Beach County Schools Superintendent Art Johnson refuses MTV's request to re-create a practical joke for the network's High School Stories: Scandals, Pranks and Controversies in which Spanish River High School students had switched all the furniture in two classrooms. "I told them that their network's core values and the Palm Beach County School District's are not in concert," Johnson says.

• A Pembroke Pines seventh-grader is suspended for bringing his father's loaded .40-caliber semiautomatic handgun to school. He reportedly says he never intended to hurt anyone. He just wanted to be cool.

• A senior at Cypress Bay High School in Weston, Andrew Perreault allegedly starts selling brownies outside the school's cafeteria during lunch hour and is charged with distributing marijuana within 1,000 feet of school property.

• Two Cooper City High School students admit to staging chemical scares to get out of school. Danielle Havens, 18, allegedly poured a dietary supplement on her desk and told a friend, "Watch; we'll be in code red today." The students were charged with using fake weapons of mass destruction.

• President Bush's job-approval rating is 50 percent.

APRIL

• In the midst of having a phenomenal season, Florida Marlins star pitcher Dontrelle Willis is spotted watching the Brad Pitt epic Troy at his locker before a game and admits that he watches the movie before each of his starts. "I love that movie," he says.

• Arrested after shooting four bullets into the 1994 Chrysler LeBaron LX that had given him trouble for years, John McGivney of Lauderdale-by-the-Sea says, "I think every guy in the universe has wanted to do that. It was worth every damn minute in that jail."

• Aaron Ruell and Efren Ramirez, the actors who respectively portray Kip and Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite, make an appearance at Lynn University in Boca Raton. Even though the film has grossed millions, Ruell says, "We didn't get crap."

• Jacki-O and Foxy Brown get into a fistfight while recording at Circle House Studios in Miami. "She forced me to show her who is the madam of Miami," Jacki-O says.

• President Bush's job-approval rating is 48 percent.

MAY

• Dontrelle Willis is still watching Troy.

• Jacqueline Nobles of Boynton Beach requests the recall of 240 Boynton Beach High School yearbooks because they feature a photo of her son, who is African-American, on the end of a leash held by his white girlfriend. Nobles says the photo of her son is offensive.

• Miami Heat coach Stan Van Gundy admits he is in awe of center Alonzo Mourning's physique. "If I had Zo's biceps, I'd be flexing all the time. I'd be coaching in sleeveless shirts," he says.

• The Distilled Spirits Council of the United States supports a prohibition proposed by Florida legislators on machines that allow users to inhale vaporized liquor to get a buzz without calories or a hangover. "We don't think getting a buzz is a good idea," says Peter Cressey, the council's president.

• The latest season of the CBS reality game show The Amazing Race ends at the historic Bonnet House in Fort Lauderdale. A Houston couple collects $1 million after beating out 11 other teams in the five-continent, 40,000-mile contest.

• Miami Springs Senior High School senior Jean Morales, his brother Adrian Morales and another student are suspended after making "305" hand signals in their baseball team's school yearbook picture. School officials think they're flashing gang signs, but the students claim they are only showing their love for Miami rapper Pitbull. The hip-hop star comes forward to defend the students and set the record straight.

• President Bush's job-approval rating is 46 percent.

JUNE

• Wolfgang Petersen, the director of Troy, sends Dontrelle Willis an autographed DVD. The inscription reads, "Dear Dontrelle: Just in case your copy of Troy wears out, here's mine. Best, Wolfgang Petersen." Willis is flattered.

• The Florida State University Seminoles' projected starting quarterback, Wyatt Sexton, is pepper-sprayed by the Tallahassee Police after appearing delirious while doing push-ups in the middle of the street and claiming he is God and the son of God. Teammates assume he is just suffering aftereffects of attending the Bonnaroo Music Festival in Tennessee.

• Pinellas County Sheriff's Deputies begin pulling over teenagers who exhibit good driving skills to give them movie-theater and DVD-rental certificates.

• Tickets for a July 12 concert by American Idol finalists at the Office Depot Center in Sunrise are selling for more than $400 -- about 10 times their face value.

• Ben Kaempfer, the roommate of Florida State QB Wyatt Sexton, sets the record straight. Bonnaroo had nothing to do with Sexton's behavior. "If he has some psychological disease, if he's bipolar, most all that stuff can be diagnosed and medicated," he says. "That should stop all the rumors that he's been doing crack, whatever the heck people have been saying, that he was tripping on acid, saying he's been doing this, doing that."

• President Bush's job-approval rating is 42 percent.

JULY

• The Internet domain Morganpressel.com goes on sale on eBay after the teenage golf phenom from Boca Raton nearly wins the U.S. Women's Open. A Lake Worth man registered the site with a starting bid of $10,000. Luckily, Pressel's father already owns the rights to Morganpressel.org.

• Kathryn Stough, a 33-year-old Plantation woman, leaves her 7-year-old son sleeping and sweating in an SUV while she ducks into Davie's Ye Olde Falcon Pub for a few late-night drinks. Police are called, and the boy is rescued.

• Florida State quarterback Wyatt Sexton is not crazy and is not on crack. Doctors diagnose that he is actually suffering from Lyme disease. They were tipped off by the push-ups in the middle of the street. Neither God nor the son of God exercises.

• In honor of the premiere of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the Blockbuster IMAX Theater in Fort Lauderdale dyes the water in its courtyard fountain chocolate, turning it into the grandest-looking cesspool on record.

• GQ magazine names Le Tub's sirloin burger the best hamburger in the entire country. The owners of the rustic dockside Hollywood establishment are less than thrilled, as carnivores descend from all over the damn place, demanding burgers and pushing the wait staff to the limits of its nearly nonexistent hospitality.

• The city of Hollywood, one of the top 10 politest cities, passes a law banning DJs in the city from spinning past midnight anywhere alcohol is served. Mayor Mara Giulianti says DJs create "anti-establishment feelings" with their music.

• President Bush's job-approval rating is 44 percent.

AUGUST

• The MTV Video Music Awards return to Miami for the second year in a row. Eva Longoria wears a revealing bathing suit. Suge Knight gets shot.

• South Florida-based fast-food chain Burger King launches an advertising campaign for its new chicken fries that features a fictional band named Coq Roq. The fake band's members play hardcore metal and wear chicken masks. Claiming Burger King is ripping off its image, the real mask-wearing, hardcore-metal band Slipknot threatens to sue the company. Burger King responds by filing a court claim against Slipknot that argues that masks and metal go together like chicken and fries and cites examples such as Gwar and Mudvayne.

• Residents of Wellington are in an uproar over a steel-and-bronze sculpture of a mermaid called "The Siren" because they believe her breasts are too big. Sculptor Norman Gitzen responds that since the mermaid is 10 feet tall, her breasts are anatomically correct. In fact, he says, a scientific analysis might find her "underboobed."

• Rapper Young Buck lights a joint on the West Palm Beach stop of the Anger Management Tour and encourages everyone in the audience to do the same.

• Eric Goertz, a 22-year-old Palm Beach Community College student and artist, is arrested as part of a band of taggers police believe are responsible for more than $1 million in graffiti-related damages in the county. Investigators search Goertz's car and find videotapes of his work and 40 cans of spray paint.

• President Bush's job-approval rating is 42 percent.

SEPTEMBER

• The Washington Nationals pound Dontrelle Willis for nine runs in an 11-1 victory that eliminates the Marlins from the National League wildcard race and seriously hurts Willis' bid for the Cy Young Award. Rumor is Willis accidentally left his copy of Troy on the team's plane.

• While cruising South Beach, Miami Heat center Shaquille O'Neal spots a passenger in a car yelling anti-gay slurs and throwing a bottle at a couple walking down the street. O'Neal follows the car and flags down a police officer.

• Florida's "Stand Your Ground" gun law goes into effect. Opponents call it the "Shoot First Law" and begin an ad campaign to alert tourists.

• Melania Trump announces she is pregnant with The Donald's baby. While it will be the first child for the newlyweds, it will be The Apprentice star's fifth.

• Amid controversy over the NBA's adopting a dress code, the Miami Heat's Dwyane Wade turns on his 19-year-old teammate Dorell Wright, claiming he wears the nastiest suits. "He's got, like, two suits, and they're terrible," Wade says. Wright is insulted, firing back that Shaq says his suits are fine, and he's not buying new ones.

• Britney Spears gives birth, ending her reign as pop's princess and beginning a new life at her vacation home in Destin as the Queen of the Redneck Riviera.

• Three men are arrested in the 2001 mob-style hit on SunCruz Casino/Miami Subs mogul Gus Boulis. Boulis had sold the SunCruz Casino boats to New York businessman Adam Kidan, Washington lobbyist Jack Abramoff and Ben Waldman, a former aide to President Ronald Reagan, just four months before the Fort Lauderdale execution. Kidan and Abramoff, a close friend of House Majority Leader Tom DeLay's, were charged with fraud for misleading investors. Kidan paid nearly a quarter-million dollars to two of the alleged hit men for "food and beverage consulting" and "surveillance."

• Kevin Federline's approval rating is 4 percent.

OCTOBER

• Mellesia Grant, a 23-year-old employee at a Walgreens in Tamarac, is charged with stabbing a co-worker during a break-room brawl over who would microwave her soup first. Some people suspect Grant may be suffering from Lyme disease.

• The Miami Dolphins trade backup quarterback A.J. Feeley to the San Diego Chargers for unknown quarterback Cleo Lemon. Lemon has never thrown a pass in an NFL game. Coach Nick Saban defends the choice by saying they developed a "little liking for this guy." Reasons for next year's draft choices include, "He's kind of cute," "This fellow really makes us giggle" and "We love his shoes."

• An Orange Park man attending a Halloween party as Belligerent Drunk Man is arrested for attacking the Green Lantern. The Belligerent Drunk Man costume consists of a navy-blue sweatsuit, a belt made of beer-can pop-tops and a Superman-style emblem that reads "BDM."

• President Bush's job-approval rating is 39 percent.

NOVEMBER

• With the Miami Dolphins season in serious trouble, Trick Daddy offers his services as a consulting coach and manager. "I will intern for the Dolphins for a whole year for free," he says.

• After running naked through a Fort Myers Beach neighborhood smashing windows and asking women to touch him, Jeremy J. Miljour is Tasered by a sheriff's deputy in the genitals. Miljour has to have surgery to get the Taser's prongs removed.

• A copy of Madonna's new CD, Confessions on a Dance Floor, is flown from New York to Fort Lauderdale, where it is then transported by bodyguards to the Pangaea nightclub at Hollywood's Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino.

• State Sen. Mike Fasano, R-New Port Richey, files a bill that would require motorists convicted of drunken-driving to install bright-pink license plates on their vehicles.

• Two men stick up another man outside of a Bank of America near Lake Worth before fleeing to a nearby theater to catch the Johnny Cash biopic Walk the Line. Luckily no one was hurt, since it is rumored that one of the suspects once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

• Ja Rule and Ashanti perform at a bat mitzvah in Miami. With his street cred already suffering, an embarrassed Ja Rule immediately regrets the gig and claims he has Lyme disease.

• The body of a Haitian woman is found on the beach behind the Manalapan home of boxing promoter Don King, who has an 8-foot lighted replica of the Statue of Liberty in his back yard. "It's kind of an omen, isn't it?" Manalapan Police Chief Clay Walker observes.

• Palm Beach millionaire John Rice, 53, dies when he is about to undergo surgery to repair a broken leg at Good Samaritan Hospital in West Palm Beach. He is survived by his grieving twin, Greg Rice. At 2 feet, 10 inches, the brothers were in the record books as the world's shortest living twins.

• Tara Reid celebrates her 30th birthday party at the Amika nightclub in Miami. Analysts do a lifespan prediction for Reid, which includes an alcohol-to-body-fat ratio, and find that she is no longer actually alive, just well-preserved.

• Just three days before his publicly announced split from wife Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey is seen partying in Miami with his brother Drew, another man and, according to The Miami Herald, "six chicks."

• Eighty-three percent of respondents to the 2006 Zagat Survey dining guide agree that service in South Florida restaurants sucks.

• President Bush's job-approval rating is 35 percent.

DECEMBER

• Wellington is in an uproar over a nativity scene set up in a public area. Some citizens say the Virgin Mary's breasts are too big.

• Miami Heat coach Stan Van Gundy quits the team. As to what he's going to do now, he says, "I'm going out to look at Christmas lights, so that's priority No. 1." President Pat Riley takes over as coach, and the team wins three consecutive games.

• James Fiorillo, one of the men accused of killing Gus Boulis in a mob-style hit in 2001, files a motion blaming the death of the SunCruz Casinos founder on the negligence of emergency medical personnel rather than the hail of bullets fired point-blank into Boulis' car.

• Irate Florida Marlins season ticket holders do not exchange glad tidings with team president David Samson during a holiday party outside Dolphins Stadium. Instead, they accuse him of bait-and-switch tactics by trading away or letting go the cash-strapped team's top players. Already gone: Juan Pierre, Mike Lowell, Josh Beckett, Guillermo Mota, Carlos Delgado, Luis Castillo, Paul Lo Duca, Todd Jones and Jeff Conine.

• President Bush's job-approval rating is 47 percent.