Maybe it went unnoticed, but we’ve just entered that challenging season when the teenage girl in your house is all fidgety with the prospect of her favorite hunky singer coming to town.
Of course, these also happen to be girls who don’t have to ask parents for ticket funds or a ride. Yes, your wife and her crazy friends are getting ready to spend real money to go to concerts put on by guys who could be singing the phone book for all they care.
The tipping point came with news that Josh Groban tickets go on sale this week, an announcement that arrived only days after crooner Michael Buble revealed his South Florida intentions.
The problem is that there’s a real possibility you may have to go along. Why? For the same reason you drag her to Heat games. Oh, wait, right, you don’t. Maybe she just wants a night out on the town. Maybe she wants you to see how a real man shows his feelings. Maybe she just wants to torture you.
Gentlemen, it’s a safe bet that we’ll all have to throw ourselves on the grenade once during the season, so here’s who’s coming, and the threat level each poses to your sanity:
Josh Groban: The “Ally McBeal”-spawned crooner (pictured) will perform Nov. 6 at the BB&T Center in Sunrise, with ticket presales beginning Wednesday, leading up to the public on-sale Friday. Threat level: High. Did you read that part about “Ally McBeal”-spawned crooner?
Michael Buble: The jazzy Canadian troubadour will be at the BB&T Center Nov. 2 (still no word on tickets). Threat level: Low. Bobby Darin for a new generation.
Victor Manuelle: The Puerto Rican salsero will perform June 1 at the Fillmore Miami Beach. Threat level: Low. The energy is sure to be high, and the crowd quite caliente.
Justin Timberlake: Former boy-band singer graduates to Sun Life Stadium on Aug. 16. Threat level: Low. He can’t veer too far into balladry with Jay-Z around. But recalibrate if you’re paying the $300 top ticket.
Bruno Mars: The dapper performer will fill AmericanAirlines Arena in Miami on Aug. 30. Threat level: High. This could easily devolve into a wedding reception playlist (“Grenade,” “Just the Way You Are” and “When I Was Your Man”), without the groomsmen around to hand you drinks.
John Mayer: Gossip-column fixture brings his bounce-back tour to the Cruzan Amphitheatre in West Palm Beach on Sept. 8. Threat level: Medium. The concert you can live through, but maybe not the ride to the show. Be ready to hear about all the ladies he’s done wrong (Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Jennifer Aniston, Minka Kelly, Jessica Simpson …).
Adam Levine: Plays the Cruzan Amphitheatre with Maroon 5 on Sept. 14. Threat level: Medium. “Moves Like Jagger” is balanced out by the instincts behind the legit sleeve tattoo. Opener Kelly Clarkson helps, too.
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