OK, I've thought about it. And I've decided to do it. I'll be the Dolphins general manager. I'll take the job so many others declined to consider and at least seven candidates — seven! — have interviewed for.
Seven is a number for dwarfs, for heavens, for deadly sins. But when you're interviewing seven candidates and still don't have a winner, it suggests you're sifting water through a pan and praying for a fleck of gold.
So let's have an eighth interview.
And to get the first interview question out of the way, the one the media will hammer me with at my first news conference: "Why you?"
I get it. Let's be real. I'm a sports writer. But let's rearrange that question: Why not me? I've had a front-row seat to some of the dumbest decisions in the NFL over the last 15 years. That's an education in itself.
The Dolphins also haven't won a playoff game in 13 seasons. You think I can do any worse? And what assures you any of these candidates who have never run a front office would be better?
Look up my draft-day decisions through the years, too. Go back as far as you want. I took quarterback Drew Brees over the Dolphins' pick of cornerback Jamar Fletcher in 2001.
I took receiver Anquan Boldin over linebacker Eddie Moore in 2003, even asking coach Dave Wannstedt off to the side after the draft, "Couldn't you have at least said you expect Moore to be more than a special-teams player?"
"No, that's what he is," Wannstedt said.
"Then why'd you take him so high?" I asked.
I also argued on radio with colleague Omar Kelly for safety Earl Thomas when the Dolphins had the 12th pick in 2010. He wanted some beefy lineman, no doubt, which the Dolphins got in trading down for Jared Odrick and Koa Misi.
Yeah, I was on board with Ryan Tannehill and Dion Jordan. We'll see. But give me Brees, Boldin and Thomas and even with so many other bonehead moves the Dolphins have made through the years I'd have enough playoff wins to be a front-office success.
But that's just the warm-up act for why I should be the GM to correct this current Dolphins' mess. And, make no mistake, it is a mess. So they have about $33 million in salary-cap space. So what?
The Dolphins have to re-sign so many of their own front-line players the seemingly sizeable cap room is shrunk to a phone booth. Brent Grimes. Nolan Carroll. Bryant McKinnie. Randy Starks or Paul Soliai. Chris Clemons.
I'd sign them, too. Yes, even McKinnie at left tackle. With the 19th draft pick overall, you can't be assured of getting a left tackle to start next season. My regime won't throw overstuffed bags of money at free agents, either.
We're re-doing Mike Wallace's contract, too, just for cap relief. Beyond that, we're having a change in draft philosophy. We're drafting the best player. Period. Not the biggest need. Not the best headline.
The good news is this team has so many needs — a tall, seam-stretching tight end, a running back, two linebackers and at least three offensive linemen — you can throw a net in the draft water and bring in a need.
But wait. There's more to my GM blueprint. I'm bringing Dan Marino and Jason Taylor aboard. Fans will love the move. They can advise me somewhat (we'll see what they bring). And they'd cover for the perceived weakness in my portfolio of NFL credibility (though I'll keep a couple of framed columns on my office wall to dilute that idea).
Marino and Taylor would show potential free agents around the campus, talk of their demand that this franchise succeeds again and even be allowed to joke that a sports writer isn't really in charge. The snickers will stop when the winning starts.
I'll work the phones, looking to fleece someone. It's too bad Greg Schiano is out of Tampa, because he always was throwing out good talent. But Rick Spielman still runs Minnesota, doesn't he?
Finally, my vision of GM would make it easier to be a fan. I'd work the media. I'd give insight to fans. Everyone running the Dolphins has walked around for the last 15 years like any sign of personality is a felonious offense, Joe Philbin and Dawn Aponte as much as anyone.
And to what end? Do they seriously think acting paranoid wins games or markets the team?
I won't get into my future ideas. OK, one: If Philbin doesn't win next year, I'm taking Marino and Taylor (and the $100,000 in cash legend has it that H. Wayne Huizenga left Nick Saban with to close that deal) to Auburn to recruit Gus Malzahn.
So there's the choice, Mr. Ross. Promote another no-name to the GM job and hope it works out. Or hire an inspired choice that would garner more national attention than any orange carpet or "Hard Knocks" episode.
Even if my regime fails, you'd get to read a best-selling book about it.