Problem-solving kids: SouthFlorida.com

Growth and learning happen in those challenging moments.

"When you are a bear of very little brain, and you think of things, you sometimes find that a thing which seemed very thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it."
- Winnie the Pooh

The best way to prepare your child for the future is to give him the problem-solving skills to handle anything. Teach your child today that a problem is not something to avoid or to sugar-coat. A problem is an opportunity to learn, discover and grow. Toddlers and preschoolers are not too young to be problem-solvers as long as the problems are age-appropriate challenges.

Age-Appropriate Problems
Adults are responsible to protect and care for children because, of course, adults are smarter, bigger and more resourceful. But young children still face all sorts of day-to-day problems they must face with greater degrees of independence. They learn to speak up when they're hungry or sick. They learn to treat their toys a certain way if they want them to last. They make friends with children who are easy-going and some who act in unpredictable ways. When toddlers and preschoolers are frustrated, parents must make a choice to solve their children's problems or give their children the ability to solve problems on their own.

The Three-Step Problem-Solving Plan
Problem-solving can be as simple as 1, 2, 3.

Describe the problem. When you hear your child crying or struggling over the proverbial spilt milk, put the problem into simple words, or ask your child to describe the problem with simple words. Get eye-to-eye genuinely listening, and ask, "What's happened here?" Simple, descriptive language is best: "You want your ball back," "The puzzle's really hard today" or "You're having trouble falling asleep." Take a deep breath before jumping in to fix the problem immediately -- you want to highlight the process, not simply the solution.
Look for a solution, preferably together. Start with the obvious questions: ask your child, "What do you need?" or "What should we do?" Even toddlers who do not have extensive cognitive skills can learn from participating in the problem-solving process. You can think aloud for them: "I wonder if this would help solve the problem?" Remind your child that you can help more when she is calm and able to look at the problem.
Evaluate. Did the solution help? Did it make the situation better? If your child is satisfied, bravo -- you solved a problem. If not, go back to step 2 -- what else do you need to do?

Obstacles
The biggest obstacles to teaching problem-solving skills to your child are ignoring more immediate physical or emotional needs. Identify basic needs first. Children who are tired, hungry, sick or in pain need to have those needs met first before they can think clearly. Similarly, you want to de-escalate an emotionally charged situation before trying to engage your child in rational activity. Let the emotional whirlwind subside before trying to talk or reason with your child.

AA Dose of Magic and Humor
Finally, problem-solving with children has one advantage over problem-solving with adults: Kids believe in magic. The line between real and pretend is blurred in early childhood. Stories and imagination can rectify a problematic situation. Your child might feel vindicated by scolding a chair for tripping him. Scary monsters can be wrapped in cellophane and thrown to the bottom of the ocean. Silliness, like acting out a tantrum instead of being swept away in a tantrum, can turn frustration into self-control.

The value of problem-solving is not finding "the right answer" but rather helping your child feel resourceful and powerful in challenging moments. Your child will then grow with a sense of adaptability and flexibility, confidence and mastery.

Problems? Ha! Your child can turn lemons into lemonade any time.

Karen Deerwester is the owner of Family Time Coaching and Consulting, writing and lecturing on parenting and early-childhood topics since 1984. Currently, Karen is the Mommy and Me director at the Ruth and Edward Taubman Early Childhood Center at B'nai Torah Congregation in Boca Raton. She is the author of The Potty Training Answer Book, The Playskool Guide to Potty Training and the soon-to-be-released The Entitlement-Free Child.