Children love toys. Or do they? And for how long? Each year holiday madness descends on amnesiac parents sending them frantically into the malls. Two months later, those child-forsaken toys gather dust on overcrowded toy shelves.
The fact is: children love to play. Toys are a means to that end. Good toys engage and inspire interesting play. Good toys challenge minds and bodies, expectations and skills, while simultaneously offering comfort and companionship. Remember the toys you loved as a child. Toys have a unique relationship with the child that plays with them.
Making a Wish List
The anticipation of holiday gifts is part of holiday magic. Set aside time for "holiday wishing" but help children differentiate the heart-felt from the superficial. Help children personalize their wish list with a simple game and their letter to Santa or Bubbe will be personal, too. For example:
Have your child look through toy shopping flyers and place happy-face stickers next to the toys he likes, or cut out pictures of favorite toys. Then review the list the following week and compare on the want-o-meter.
Have your child take photos of her favorite toys and discuss which ones she plays with the most. What makes a favorite? What will make her play more interesting?
Make a "favorite things to do" jar. For one month, ask your child for ideas to put in the "favorite things" jar while pulling ideas out of the jar to test their longevity. Buy toys, materials and props that sustain favorite activities as your child gains awareness of his likes and dislikes.
Preschool-aged children operate according to kid-logic and need adults to guide them to meaningful choices. For example, the purple-hair doll that dazzles your child in the store doesn't compare to the well-loved doll at home and will be quickly discarded to the toy heap but finding a purple dress for the well-loved doll might be something newly cherished.
What to Buy
- Know your child's interests. One child can have a hundred toy-dinosaurs, know every dino-fact, and recreate the age of dinosaurs daily while another is throwing the dinosaur to the bottom of the pool for swimming practice. The first child is interested in dinosaurs; the second in swimming. Both toys serve a purpose but only one child "needs" dinosaurs.
- Consider developmental stages as they reflect predictable kinds of play. The classic toys are timeless because children's interests do not change with fads. There's a developmental reason why balls, dolls, bikes and blocks have been favorites for generations of children.
- Consider different developmental areas to complement your child's strengths. For example, board games for logic-minded and social kids; art supplies for visual and tactile kids; instruments and dance accessories for musical kids; or a worm farm for a budding naturalist. Before you buy something from the retailer's must-have list, ask "would my child play really play this for an extended period of time?"
- Look for non-toys. Head to the dollar store for open-ended, interactive cool stuff -- tools, makeup, office or garden supplies. Head to the resale shops for dress-up clothes and old small appliances for pretend play or for a take-apart workbench. Head to area beach shops for starfish and conch shells. Add imagination to your toy-buying list this year.
What to Avoid
- Avoid a spending free-for-all. Limits are essential for grateful, content children. If you try to give your child everything, nothing will ever be enough.
- Avoid buying everything for every child. By individualizing your gift-giving, you value your child's unique interests and abilities, which does more for your child's self-esteem than feeding the gimme monster.
- Avoid buying everything now. Postpone some items for birthdays, other special occasions or for next year. Generosity doesn't end with the holidays; it lasts all year.
What's hot this year? Your child doesn't need another popular but boring toy, and you don't need to be left holding a holiday-inflated credit card bill. This year, choose toys your child will enjoy for months or years, supplementing with less expensive play-based alternatives if you want quantity and quality. Toys are fun, but play is always better.
Karen Deerwester is the owner of Family Time Coaching & Consulting, writing and lecturing on parenting and early-childhood topics since 1984. Currently, Karen is the Mommy & Me director at The Ruth and Edward Taubman Early Childhood Center at B'nai Torah Congregation in Boca Raton. Karen is the author of
The Potty Training Answer Book,
The Playskool Guide to Potty Training, and the newly released
The Entitlement-Free Child.
