Kids and Sports: What parents should know about after-school athletics
By Susan Frasca
South Florida Parenting
Getting kids involved in sports is good for them on so many levels. Done properly, playing sports can teach cooperation and coordination, develop skills, build confidence, provide exercise, reduce stress and be fun.
Finding the right sports to suit your child's abilities, desires and schedule might take a bit of experimenting, a little compromise and some patience. Whether your child wants to play on every league in the city, excel at one particular sport or cut sports out of his schedule altogether, you'll need to make some adjustments along the way.
Exploring sports
If you who don't have the time or budget to experiment with baseball, basketball, football, soccer, tennis, golf and hockey, programs such as Kidokinetics are a good alternative, offering a general overview of a variety of sports.
In addition to developing gross motor skills, these classes give kids a chance to explore various sports they might like before making a long-term commitment. Kidokinetics founder Terri Braun says that in many cases, when a child shows an interest in a particular sport, parents will sign them up for a more traditional league.
"The kids get a taste of a different sport every week, find they are competent at some and can play them comfortably and confidently with friends, which is what they really want," Braun said. The after-school enrichment program is offered in schools, parks and community centers in Miami-Dade, Broward and Palm Beach counties.
Kids who are inherently competitive may thrive in typical leagues, but most kids start out wanting to play a sport for the fun of it. I-9 Sports offers this option, with non-competitive leagues in Miami-Dade, Broward and Palm Beach counties that aim to develop a child's enjoyment of a sport before his skills.
"The skill we want to develop first is passion," said Jeff Marsman, league director. There is no winning or losing, no championship game and the commitment is once a week, leaving plenty of time for kids and families to explore other interests.
Playing year-round
If sports are where your child's interests lie, year-round opportunities exist for most youth sports these days. "At young ages, I think kids should be playing as many sports as possible," said Stu Maloff, president of FUN-damental Basketball Camp.
The more your child is kicking around a soccer ball, throwing a football or swinging a bat or tennis racket, the more fit he'll be, the more people he'll meet, the less time he'll spend on the computer or watching television.
John F. Murray, a licensed clinical and sports psychologist in Boca Raton, cautions against over-scheduling, and reminds parents that, "in most cases, sports should be viewed as play, and kids shouldn't be too programmed by always having to be in a certain place at a certain time."
So if a child has a big project due, is stressed or under the weather, it's OK to skip a practice, or even a game, if necessary.
Fred Engh, president of the National Alliance for Youth Sports based in Boca Raton, adds that "a well-rounded sports experience will benefit children socially and physically, plus participating in a variety of sports early on enables them to develop a broad range of athletic skills that can come in handy."
Aside from athletic skills, playing multiple sports helps kids understand the concept of being on a team and offers other mental benefits. Murray says that even the athlete who excels in one particular sport can "mentally cross-train," incorporating other sports to relieve the pressure that often accompanies the need to compete and win.
"Burnout usually happens when a kid focuses too much on one sport, not plays too many," Murray says.
When is one enough?
There is no magic number for that certain age when a child should focus on one sport, but Engh doesn't encourage it before the age of 12. "A child's body and mind develop at such a rapid pace, they can constantly discover new activities which they enjoy or excel at – if they have the opportunity to experience all types of different activities," he said.
But there does come a time, particularly if you have an athletic kid, when the passion for one sport will overrule the others. "As kids get older, it's a tough call whether to let them focus on the one sport that really interests them," Maloff says.
It's important at that point for parents and their children to think long and hard before making a commitment that will assuredly limit a child's other experiences.
Hurried parents who run their child to and from multiple practices and games week to week may find the single sport option tempting, but there are some caveats that come with this seemingly simpler option.
Being invited to join a traveling team, for example, sounds and indeed is prestigious, but in addition to being highly competitive, traveling teams can monopolize both a child's and parents' schedules. "Some kids play in a game for about 10 minutes, but they are traveling every weekend," Maloff says.
Since sports become more competitive as kids get older, expect less equal playtime as well. "A kid may have talent but not given the chance to play much because other kids have just as much or more talent," Maloff says.
That said, if at an early age your child does stand out in a one sport, and doesn't exhibit exceptional ability in any other sport, most experts say to let him play his one sport if that's what he wants. "It's fine, as long as that's what the child wants to do and not because they are feeling parental pressure to do so," Engh says. And you do want to watch for any signs of burnout or repetitive sports injury.
Issues of burnout are more likely to arise when the competition and the pressure to win are higher at advanced levels. A high-performing athlete may want to quit simply because he doesn't know how to cope with a bad game or a loss. At this stage, psychologist Murray said, "the decision making should be determined by the child's ultimate goal or what they are trying to accomplish."
Passion should play a role
Marsman, also a former high school baseball and basketball coach, gives another perspective when a child really enjoys one particular sport but isn't one of the best on the team.
"Up until high school, sports should be about providing opportunities to learn, participate and develop passion," he said. He thinks that passion, not skill, should be the decisive factor in allowing a child to focus on one sport. "Kids have different stages of physical development, competitiveness and aggression; that super-aggressive 5-year-old may dominate a team at that age, but as time goes on, other teammates will catch up to him," Marsman said.
Some sports, such as swimming or track, have off-season related sports in high school: water polo and cross-country. Some children find that they like to play both a fall and a spring sport – or that they'd rather play their one sport in whatever league or school team is operating during each season.
Remember that your child's emotional maturity may not be as advanced as his athletic prowess, so Murray advises parents to focus on fun and support and let the coach focus on expectations.
Is it ever okay to quit?
Before allowing a child to quit a sport, ask why. Don't accept "I just don't like it anymore" as an answer.
"If the problem is one that can be resolved, such as helping a child work on a particular skill, then there is certainly something to be said for encouraging kids to stick to their commitments," Engh says.
If he thinks he isn't "good enough," take into consideration how long he has been playing. When Miami resident and teacher Laurie Futterman enrolled her 8-year-old son Max in flag football, she had someone work with him on the sidelines to help his skills along. "It's important to help his success level because, let's face it, no sport is fun until you get good at it," she said.
Would she allow Max to quit? "I would push him to try to get a little better before trying something new," she said. "Quitting is too easy," she added.
Sometimes a child's desire to play a sport just runs its natural course.
Enid Weintraub's oldest son, Lee, began playing baseball at about 6-years-old for the City of Coral Springs, but stopped when he entered high school. "You have to be really into it to go out for a high school team, but he was playing just to have fun," Weintraub said. She expects that her younger son, Alex, will do the same. Both boys have academic goals and areas of interest outside sports, but umpire for the city league because they enjoy the game and want to stay involved to some degree.
At times, it may be better to remove a child from a sport rather than continue exposure to a problematic situation.
If you force your child to "stick it out," you run the risk of him never wanting to try anything again for fear of not being able to quit. Consider his reasons for leaving and your own for wanting him to stay.
Marsman disagrees with the negative stigma attached to a child quitting a sport and says that sending children into a negative experience week after week risks their mental, emotional and overall well-being. "Quitting is part of growing-up," he said. "There are plenty of other ways to teach kids commitment."
Susan Frasca is a freelance writer and regular contributor. She lives in Coconut Creek.
