Date Night Of the past
By Claire Yezbak Fadden
South Florida Parenting
You remember how it was. A time when you and your spouse saw movies before they went to video. Plans to go to a concert, a major league baseball game or a play didn't include clearing your schedule with a 15-year-old baby-sitter. Before you had children, having an evening alone with your spouse may have been something you took for granted.
But not any more. Sometimes just having a couple of minutes together at the end of a busy day is time to savor. Don't despair. Date night doesn't have to be a thing of the past. There are many ways to plan for those romantic times together. All it takes is a bit of strategy and some creativity.
Here are some points to consider:
Write your date on the family calendar. Try to find space for it among all the other activities planned for the month. Some couples have a standing date (every Saturday night or the first Friday of the month). These couples arrange for baby-sitting ahead of time and alternate deciding how to spend their time together.
Write each other little notes and reminders about your upcoming date.
Sometimes, because of time, money or baby-sitting constraints, you're not able to leave home. That's OK. Nowhere is it written that a date can't happen at home. Just plan for your date to take place after the kids are in bed.
Romance is like a garden. For love to thrive, it needs regular TLC. You don't need a week off from your responsibilities (although that would be nice) to keep that old flame burning. But you do need regular infusions of fun. Knowing that on Thursday night, you and your spouse will be meeting for happy hour before picking up the kids can be just the needed motivator to keep you going.
It doesn't matter whether it's a night out on the town, or a quiet evening at home. What's important is that you've carved out some time alone -- just for the two of you. Here are some tried-and-true, economical ideas for infusing romance back into your busy lifestyle.
Throw a blanket, some crackers and cheese, a bottle of wine (if you like) or some other beverage in the trunk of the car and venture out to your favorite park or beach spot. Spend your date just enjoying each other's company. If you have a bit more time, take a stroll together. And it's no fair talking about last week's soccer game or what the band practice schedule is for next week.
Spend an evening remembering how you met. It will be fun learning what first impressions you had about each other and how those impressions have changed. What did you think when you first laid eyes on each other. Did any unusual, interesting or funny circumstances occur? Did he ask you out or did she make the first move? Where did you go? What did you do? Have you thought about repeating that first date?
Plan to have something simple that doesn't keep either one of you busy cooking in the kitchen. Even though what you're eating doesn't have to be fancy, the atmosphere should be. Set the table with a tablecloth and candles Have some of your favorite tunes playing softly in the background. Don't begin to serve the meal until you're sure the kids are asleep. Although this dinner will take a little extra planning and organization, it will be well worth it.
Dig out the CDs that were popular when you were dating or first married. Turn down the lights, open that chilled bottle of wine and turn your living room into an intimate nightclub for two. Dress as if you were out on the town. The best part is that you won't have to fight your way on to the dance floor or be stepped on by someone trying to learn the newest dance step. You can take turns being the disc jockey and the bartender.
All parents know that sometimes even the best plans will go awry. By having realistic goals, you and your sweetie will enjoy "date nights" more often than not. And for those times that the "date" won't fit into this month's schedule, keep in mind that there's always next month! In the meantime, slip a little love note into her briefcase or leave him a voice-mail telling him how you feel.
Claire Yezbak Fadden is a San Diego-based freelance writer and mother of three sons.
