Parental Guidance Strongly Suggested: SouthFlorida.com

How many times has this happened to you? You're in another room while your child is watching television. Suddenly they scream frantically for you to "come here, quick." You drop what you're doing and rush breathlessly to your child's rescue, only to be greeted with pleading eyes and your child's finger pointed at the next "must have" product on the television screen. If a one-minute commercial advertisement can evoke that sense of urgency, imagine the impact of the barrage of media content children are subjected to today from television shows, movies, video games and the Internet.

According to Jim Steyer, CEO and founder of Common Sense Media, the average child consumes six to seven hours of media per day; more time than they spend with parents, teachers or friends. Media influences their ideas, their decisions and their values. "Like it or not, media and entertainment are the other parent in our kids' lives," Steyer says. Just as you want to know the friends, teachers, coaches and others who influence your child, so should you be acquainted with their media.

If you don't believe that media really has that much influence on our children, there are plenty of studies to help to convince you. Decreased academic performance, aggressive behavior, premature sexual activity, drug and alcohol abuse, and obesity have all been linked to excessive media use. Research funded by universities and foundations such as the Kaiser Family Foundation have found ample evidence that electronic media do, in fact, influence children in various ways. Some media use is positive -- there's much to be gained from watching programs about science and history, for example, and from being entertained sometimes.

But too much commercial media simply is not healthy. The effect of media use on children is considered a bona fide health issue by the American Academy of Pediatrics, which now suggests that pediatricians include questions about media consumption as part of their routine checkups.

Dr. Jane Brown, journalism professor at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, lays it on the line for parents. "If you believe Sesame Street taught your 4-year-old something, then you better believe MTV is teaching your 14-year-old something, because the influence doesn't stop when we come to a certain age," she said in a 2004 National Public Radio interview.

So, if your child has a television in her room and her grades slip, blame the TV. If your son becomes more aggressive after playing the newest video release, blame the game. When your preteen daughter begins to dress and dance suggestively, blame the music videos. Right?

Wrong. Although your child may be exposed to a great deal of irresponsible media, we all know that the responsibility for what our children see and do lies first and foremost with their parents. Parents can't be expected to supervise and control what their children see or hear via the media 24/7, but discussing what they do see can be perfect moments to teach and learn, according to Brent and Phelecia Hatch, authors of Raising a G-Rated Family in an X-Rated World. The book is less about shielding and protecting kids from the influence of the media than it is about raising kids with discipline, respect and core values to help them control what comes into their lives and make good choices.

Set moderate limits
"Since media is a substantial part of the culture and social settings of today's youth, parents shouldn't attempt to completely block it out and isolate their kids," says Blois Olson, spokesperson for the National Institute on Media and the Family. Rather, parents are urged to think of the media as a diet. Just as a good parent ensures that the foods their child eats are, for the most part, nutritious, so should they ensure that their child's media diet be moderate and appropriate. "Location, location, location," Steyer says, "applies as much to media as to real estate." Keep televisions and computers out of the bedroom and in a common area of your home where family members are likely to wander in and out -- and where you can catch constant glimpses of television and computer screens.

In families with more than one child, this may involve a couple of computers, balancing TV time and video game time, and resolving squabbles among siblings. But "that's all part of the job of being responsible parents," he says.

Set boundaries and rules -- and set them at an early age. Julie McManus of West Palm Beach allows her 7-year-old daughter Rowan to have a TV in her room, but watches and discusses programs with her and still changes the channel for her. "My husband and I talk with her a lot about what is appropriate in order to set a good foundation for the future," she says.

Keep communication open
McManus knows that controlling Rowan's media intake won't be quite as easy when she's a preteen, but setting good moral standards early on and keeping the lines of communication open can make a positive difference in children's media choices as they grow. "If you have been there all along, they will likely allow you to maintain some level of influence. You cannot wake up on their 12th birthday and be a part of a world that you haven't been involved in constantly since they started walking," says Miryam Diaz Knigge, Miami chapter director of the Parents Television Council.

"Watch what your kids watch, play and do on television, video games and online," Olson says. Ask questions and keep an active dialogue going with your child. Tell your kids what you like, don't like and why, while respecting and listening to them as well.

"Discuss whether programs focus on building and lifting or destroying, talk about fantasy vs. reality, consequences and empathy," Knigge advises.

These kinds of discussions help children form judgment and develop critical thinking skills, Steyer says. As they get older and the content they're exposed to becomes more questionable, conversations may become more awkward.

But, as the Hatches point out: "If you don't talk to your kids about the uncomfortable subjects, the media sure will."

Don't rely on ratings
The Parents Television Council cautions parents not to rely solely on the ratings systems when it comes to television programming. "There really is no independent body determining the ratings, so there is an element of self-interest at play," says Melissa Caldwell, senior director of programs for the council.

Whether television, movies, video games or the Internet, what may be considered age-appropriate for one child may not be for another. Common Sense Media, the Parents Television Council, the National Institute on Media and the Family and other organizations rate and review television shows, movies, video games, and music to help parents make informed decisions about their child's media viewing and interaction. Ratings include information on violence, fear, sexual content, language and other areas of concern.

Although parental controls can be helpful, taking the time to understand the technology is a frequent stumbling block for busy parents. All of the next generation of video-game systems will have built-in parental controls. Xbox already does. But the industry will still have to code movies, games and DVDs correctly for the controls to be effective. Your cable or satellite provider can show you how to block TV channels that you don't want your child to have access to. Again, there's no substitute for parental communication and supervision, but familiarizing yourself with and using some of the options for minimizing the exposure can help make your job a little easier.

Monitoring and minimizing your child's media is not unlike any of your other parenting responsibilities. Sometimes kids don't understand why they need supervision and discipline, but, as parents, we still need to provide it.

"Our kids are being bombarded on all fronts with media messages," the Hatches observe. "This is a battle parents must choose to fight with and for them."

Susan Frasca is a freelance writer, mother and former South Florida Parenting staff member. She lives in Coconut Creek.