Stay Connected…Safely
By Robyn A. Friedman
SouthFlorida.com
July 24 2007
How to Raise a Technologically-Savvy Child in a Scary World.
As technology continues to invade our lives and our children's lives, many parents are facing a host of new decisions: when to let kids have their first cell phone or at what age to let them have access to a computer for instant messaging with friends.
These are uncharted waters. After all, this technology wasn't available a generation ago. Parents face constant pressures from kids who don't want to be the only one in their class without a cell phone, as well as from manufacturers -- some of whom are offering phones to kids as young as 6.
Some parents relent and give kids whatever they want; others resist.
"We have the financial ability to buy these things, but we don't want to just keep up with the crowd and buy everything," said Susan Paul, a mom of three who lives in Coral Springs. "But there have been a couple of times when communication could have helped."
Paul and her husband recently bought cell phones for their kids as a reward for their good grades. But they are closely supervising usage.
Text messages, IMs and e-mails have made cell phones and computers practically de rigueur for kids longing to stay in touch these days; they are this generation's form of social networking.
And it's going to get worse. According to IDC, a technology analysis firm in Framingham, Mass., the wireless market for children aged 5 through 9 will grow from less than 800,000 users in 2005 to more than 8 million subscribers in 2010.
"The idea of 5-year-olds wearing mobile devices a few years from now is about as unthinkable today as the notion of 11-year-olds getting cell phones as standard back-to-school supplies was just two or three years ago," said Scott Ellison, an IDC vice president. "IDC predicts that if a child can dial a phone, that child will probably have his or her own mobile phone by the start of the next decade."
Those statistics worry child advocates.
"Cell phones can be a lifesaver, but they can also be used the wrong way," said Debra Holtzman, a Hollywood-based child-safety expert and author of The Safe Baby: A Do-It-Yourself Guide to Home Safety. "It's very important for parents to talk with their kids about using their cell phone -- and all technology -- responsibly."
Today's technology tools offer children amazing benefits. Computers enable kids to research and learn about virtually any topic. E-mail enhances communication with friends around the globe. Chat rooms allow people with common interests to meet virtually and learn new things. Music, photos and videos are now shared easily.
While most people who go online have positive experiences, there are dangers lurking, as well. The web has no censors; almost anyone can contact your child or provide him or her with information that is inappropriate.
That's why it's incumbent upon parents to learn the new technology rules, remain involved in and supervise their kids' daily lives, and establish rules and limitations for usage of technology devices.
Wondering what you should do? Here are some tips:
On the Internet
Remain connected to your kids. As kids get older, communication becomes more challenging. Parents need to keep the lines of communication open so that kids feel comfortable telling them about an upsetting message they received or person they encountered online. Ask kids daily about what they did online that day, and teach them to ignore offensive messages and to never give out personal information on the Internet -- or agree to meet someone they've met online.
Work with your child to create rules they can live with. Make sure they know which services they can use and which they can't. Parents may want to allow kids to use the computer for research, homework or e-mailing but may not want to allow access to chat rooms, for example.
Keep the computer in an area that's well trafficked in your home, not in your child's bedroom. Supervise usage, and become familiar with your child's online activities and friends.
Use blocking software and filters to keep your kids from accessing inappropriate web sites. There are child-friendly search engines kids can use for homework such as Yahooligans. Some ISPs and software companies even offer free blocking software such as www.k9webprotection.com.Others offer software that allows parents to see what sites their kids have visited.
Limit and monitor the amount of time your child spends on the Internet. Excessive time online could be indicative of a problem.
Don't be afraid to become a geek yourself. Learn about the computer and the Internet, and regularly update your firewall, anti-virus and anti-spyware software.
Cell Phones
Choose a wireless carrier wisely. Many offer child-friendly packages that allow parents to limit the amount of time kids can spend on their phone and what services they can use. But not all kids need these limits.
Parents know how responsible their own kids are and should react accordingly. Firefly Mobile sells phones specifically designed for 6- to 12-year-olds. These phones have only five keys and allow parents to set up an approved list of people kids can call and receive calls from. Firefly Mobile phones don't offer texting, games, fancy ring tones or other features found on adult-oriented phones, but they are perfect for younger children who need to stay connected with their parents and good for most preteens, as well.
Almost all the major cell phone carriers offer packages geared toward kids. Some use special phones while others have services that use GPS technology to allow parents to locate kids through their phones.
Other, lesser-known carriers such as Disney Mobile allow parents to fully customize their kids' wireless experience. It uses regular cell phones but allows parents to set spending allowances and track usage for voice minutes, text messaging, picture messaging and downloadable content. Parents can receive alerts when allowances have been reached and can even determine the times and days when kids can use their phones.
Similarly, kajeet was founded in March by three dads who wanted to help parents deal with cell-phone usage during the in-between years of 8 to 13. It's a pay-as-you-go service that is intended to empower kids but still allow parents to control usage. "We approached everything from a kid's point of view," said Matthew Baker, a kajeet co-founder. "We focused on being cool and compelling for the kids but also acceptable to parents who can customize and manage everything."
Another possibility to consider: Using prepaid cell phones such as Virgin Mobile or TracFone to control costs.
Encourage responsibility by having kids use allowance money if they want to use extra services such as texting.
Make sure there is an actual need for the cell phone and that your child isn't just trying to keep up with other kids. David Dweck, Parkland resident, purchased a phone for his 14-year-old son Evan about a year ago.
"I explained to him that when we felt that the need was there, then that's when he would get a phone," he said. "We felt that need because of all his extracurricular activities and field trips." Evan was given a phone and a limited amount of minutes he could use -- and told that if he abused the privilege he would lose his phone entirely.
Dweck goes over Evan's phone bill every month, and with detailed billing, he can see just whom his son has been speaking with. "I don't want to be like Big Brother, but in this day and age, you never know," he said.
Most importantly, don't shirk your parental responsibility. While Game Boys and iPods may be harmless, cell phones and computers are not. You've seen the stories on Dateline NBC about Internet predators, some of whom are teachers and religious leaders, people kids would normally trust. You know the dangers. Don't ignore them.
Visit CommonSenseMedia.org for the internet survival guide for parents.
Robyn A. Friedman is a freelance writer and mother. She lives in Boca Raton.