Caroline Reid's "Pam Ann - the Cockpit" promises to be a bumpy ride

Kitschy air hostess Pam Ann does not have a passport.

But Caroline Reid, the Australian comedienne who plays the raunchy retro character does, and that means she can bring the R-rated comedy show “Pam Ann — the Cockpit” to the Colony Theatre in Miami Beach at 8 p.m. Thursday and Friday.

“Oh, I make it up on the fly,” Reid says from an apartment in Los Angeles. “Clearly. I have no idea what is going to happen. I find explaining my show difficult. It’s like I’m channeling. It’s a dance-music kaleidoscope of song and comedy, you know.”

Whatever it is, the Pam Ann alter-ego act earned her raves from the LGBTQ audience and gay icons such as Elton John (who hired her to entertain on his private jet) and Madonna (who summed Reid up as “cruelly funny”).


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She even toured with Cher in the U.K. in 2004.

“Yes, I toured with her,” Reid adds dryly. “She’s not real, you know. She’s just a wax figure from Madame Tussauds. Don’t ask me how I got that job, because I do not know. But yes, Cher was my backup.”

Explaining that she’s using a West Coast pied-a-terre for her U.S. tour following a successful run in the U.K., Reid says, “Now, I’m truly bisexual, er, I mean bicoastal, of course. I think my next [apartment] should be in Miami. I want to live with a big ol’ Latino queen in South Beach. And he’s got to be a crackhead. Yes, I want to live with a gay crackhead in Miami.”

Even though she’s a straight woman, Reid’s act is an homage to the outrageous Aussie drag queens who influenced her. That crass campiness, not to mention an act based on being a jet-setter and a pun on the defunct Miami-icon Pan Am Airlines, informs her advice for today’s travelers — particularly in South Florida.

And specifically for Miami International Airport, she suggests:

“I just love those big, black girls in the Miami airport with the weaves like Eiffel Towers on the side of their heads and all the scenes from Hawaii painted on their nails. I love those Miami girls," Reid says. “You know how you do a line of cocaine off of your computer and you forget to wipe it off? Then, they swab the computer? Well, I’m thinking I’m done. Well, those black girls always go to the wig box. You got to travel with a wig box. Always have a wig box. Those girls are distracted by feathers, sequins and wigs.”

“Pam Ann — the Cockpit” plays 8 p.m. Thursday and Friday June 6 and 7 at the Colony Theatre, 1040 Lincoln Road, in Miami Beach. Tickets cost $50 and $55 at Ticketmaster.com or ColonyTheatreMiamiBeach.com.