Embedded as you have been in the mind-numbing minutiae of the NFL Draft (as if Vita Vea’s 40 time really matters), still reeling from the time wasted on the Miami Heat playoff flameout (nice to see Wade step up, though) and bleary-eyed from the Miami Marlins’ wee-hours telecasts from the West Coast (OK, there was Kershaw, I’ll grant you), imagine how this sad spectacle looks to her. Remember her? No doubt, you owe her a date night this weekend. Take it from a recovering draftnik, it doesn’t matter who the Dolphins take with the 227th pick. It just doesn’t.
The inaugural Full Moon & Paddleboard Party on Saturday brings live music, DJs, vendors and food trucks to Museum Park in downtown Miami, kicking off with sunset paddleboarding next door at Baywalk, on the north side of AmericanAirlines Arena. The Virginia Key Outdoor Center will provide paddleboards ($40) and two-person kayaks ($45) 6:30-8:30 p.m. From there, you can walk to the 7-11 p.m. Full Moon party, sponsored by Social Xchange Miami and the Miami Downtown Development Authority. Admission is free. Visit SocialXChangeMiami.com, Facebook.com/DowntownMIA.
London-born crooner, songwriter and multi-instrumentalist Nathan Mercado, who has settled into the South Florida music scene as Spider Cherry, balances romantic vulnerability and soulful intensity like a poor man’s Ed Sheeran, with better hair. At 7 p.m. Sunday, you’ll find Spider Cherry not in just another bar, but at the Arts Garage in Delray Beach. As you may remember, the Arts Garage is BYO-whatever, including alcohol and food. Tickets cost $10, $12 for table seating, $15 for a premium table. Visit ArtsGarage.org, SpiderCherry.com.
For a relaxing, flat-shoes-only night out, it’s hard to beat Sons and Daughters Farm and Winery in Lake Worth, where a smart, engaged crowd will gather by the fire or under strings of lights by the big barn out back for the Tarantino-sexy music of Gold Dust Lounge 7-11 p.m. Friday. There will be pizza, beer and made-on-the-farm wine and kombucha. Admission is $5 per head at the gate. Visit Facebook.com/SonsAndDaughtersFarm.
Merely going into the cellar is a unique experience at Le Chat Noir in Miami’s Brickell district, but at 10 p.m. Saturday, you’ll encounter the pulsating rhythms of local favorites Eddy Balzola and Oriente down there. Tickets cost $15. Before the show, you can check out the menu of paninis, cheeses and charcuterie upstairs. Visit LeChatNoirDesalis.com.
My new favorite spot for a casual, quiet drink on the beach in Fort Lauderdale is the Sandbar Grille, on A1A north of Sunrise, in the Sun Tower Hotel (2030 N. Atlantic Boulevard). It’s that rare spot with a deck right on the sand. And they have Lagunitas. Visit SunTowerHotelSuites.com.
The Miami Downtown Jazz Festival, presented by public radio station WDNA, 88.9-FM, returns this weekend with a diverse lineup of sounds in a variety of locations. On Friday at 7 p.m. in the Olympia Theater, the festival will offer the smoky richness of Dr. Lonnie Smith on the Hammond B3 organ, followed by the four-octave improvisation of Grammy-winning vocalist Kurt Elling. Tickets start at $25. Visit MiamiDowntownJazzFestival.org.
A wallet-friendly option is the monthly Jazz at MOCA series at the Museum of Contemporary Art, North Miami, which features the atmospheric guitar of the Aaron Lebos Reality in a free concert 8-9:15 p.m. Friday. The museum will be open by donation from 7 to 10 p.m. Visit MoCANoMi.org. Lebos also is among a group of local performers playing free shows as part of the Miami Downtown Jazz Festival. Performing Thursday (April 26) at the Stephen P. Clark Government Center will be Scone Cash Players (noon), Electric Kif (1:30 p.m.), Aaron Lebos Reality (3 p.m.) and Tito Puente Jr. (4:30 p.m.). Free shows on Saturday at the Bayside Marina include the JECC Boot Camp Ensemble (11 a.m.), Wendy Pedersen (noon), the Tim Jago Group (1:30 p.m.), Leon Foster Thomas (3 p.m.) and Oriente (4:30 p.m.). Visit MiamiDowntownJazzFestival.org.
Always good for a casual night of people watching and drink drinking, Art Walk returns to Flagler Village and the MASS District in Fort Lauderdale on Saturday. Make sure one of your stops is C&I Studios, hosting a performance by indie rockers Supergold, a new setting for the charismatic vocals of Alex Alston (the Takers and Leavers). Visit Facebook.com/CIStudios.
Witty, handsome and thin, comedian John Mulaney may remind her of all the things you used to be at the Hard Rock Event Center at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, where his Kid Gorgeous tour pulls in for an 8 p.m. Saturday show. A handful of tickets remain, beginning at $40. Visit MyHRL.com.
Perhaps you need to class things up. Florida Grand Opera closes its season with “Florencia en el Amazonas,” which follows the passengers of a ship on the Amazon in the early 1900s, including a native opera star looking for lost love, a story inspired by the magical realism of Colombian novelist Gabriel García Márquez. Performances are Saturday-Sunday, May 1, 4-5 at the Arsht Center in Miami. Puerto Rican-born star Ana María Martínez portrays Florencia (soprano Sandra López on Sunday). Tickets cost $12-$250. Visit FGO.org.
It’s free to throw down a blanket in Soundscape Park on Miami Beach to picnic to the sights and sounds of a Wallcast of the New World Symphony’s Side-by-Side Concert, a massive outdoor projection on the side of the New World Center. The Saturday performance, led by NWS artistic director and conductor Michael Tilson Thomas and featuring young violinist Matthew Hakkarainen, begins at 8 p.m. Warning: An assortment of cats and dogs, all adoptable, will be on the park plaza, courtesy Miami-Dade Animal Services. Visit NWS.edu.
At the inviting North Beach Bandshell on Sunday evening, the literary crew at O, Miami presents Be in Miami: A Community Celebration, with the great Afrobeat outfit Antibalas, poet Roger Reeves, DJ Le Spam, Guitars Over Guns and Young Musicians Unite. The 6-9 p.m. gathering, with food and drinks available, is free with a pay-what-you-can suggestion. For more information, visit NorthBeachBandshell.com.
The Silverball Pinball Museum in Delray Beach on Saturday night will have its usual array of classic pinball machines and video games, food and drinks, but also a 10 p.m. set of classic-rock memories from Spank. Visit SilverballMuseum.com.
Depending on what your significant other is into, consider a night at Fort Lauderdale’s Revolution Live on Saturday with Saved by the 90s, the New York-based band that tours the country re-creating the high-energy heyday of Montell Jordan’s “This Is How We Do It,” Radiohead’s “Creep,” Natalie Imbruglia’s “Torn” and Chumbawamba’s “Tubthumping.” Tickets: $16. Visit JoinTheRevolution.net.
Bawdy humor, glamour, titillation, fashion tips … The fourth annual Florida Burlesque Festival brings a well-rounded variety of entertainment to Savor Cinema in downtown Fort Lauderdale Friday-Saturday. The creation of South Florida burlesque icon Bambi La Fleur, the lineup includes burlesque legend Camille 2000, local favorite Lila Starlet and a photo-gallery tribute to Miami-based Bettie Page photographer Bunny Yeager. General-admission tickets cost $35 at FloridaBurlesqueFestival.com.
STAY IN YOUR LANE
Where’s my 5-pound burger, you may reasonably ask upon entering Bowlero Davie this weekend. Patience, sir. Have a 100-counce cocktail while you wait. The vivacious Bowlero Davie, which you knew as the humble Davie Lanes before its sexy makeover (32 lanes of black-light bowling, luxe lounge seating, high-definition video walls, a state-of-the-art arcade and modern bar menu), will throw a grand-opening party 11 a.m.-2 p.m. Saturday with free bowling and arcade play, giveaways and a chance to bowl with the host of the event, Miami Dolphins star Reshad Jones. You also may sample the menu of “oversized shareables,” including the 2-foot Coney Mega Dog, and the 100-ounce Dunk Tank and Mega Mule cocktails that “are made to be shared.” OK, maybe. For now, the menu does not include Bowlero’s signature 5-pound Behemoth Burger, which is served at the Miami location. Possibly because it clocks in at 9,880 calories and they know Broward residents like to live a more healthful lifestyle. Or something. To get in on the free stuff on Saturday, you’ll need to RSVP here: Bowlero.com/davie-grand-opening.
Due South Brewing in Boynton Beach at noon Friday will start sharing a new batch of Cinco de Mayo-themed Mexican Standoff (a porter made with vanilla, chocolate, cinnamon and chili peppers), available in four-packs of 16-ounce cans ($12.99) and on draft (DueSouthBrewing.com) … A similar event takes place at the Funky Buddha Brewery in Oakland Park, as they debut their popular imperial stout Mexican Coffee (which includes “a kiss of tequila”) on Sunday afternoon (Facebook.com/FunkyBuddhaBrewery).
As always, this weekend’s three-day Pompano Beach Seafood Festival is long on music, with Friday highlights Big Harvest, the Motowners and the Eagles tribute band the Long Run; Saturday acts including JJ Grey and Mofro, Starship (featuring Mickey Thomas) and the Resolvers; followed on Sunday by the Pitbull of Blues, Shane Duncan, Maggie Baugh and Gary King, among others. Tickets cost $10 (Friday), $20 (Saturday) and $15 (Sunday, or $30 for a three-day pass. Proceeds benefit a variety of Pompano Beach charities. Visit PompanoBeachSeafoodFestival.com.
WE’RE ALL EARS
If you had eaten an ear of corn every 12 seconds for 12 minutes, you still would have finished second to Carmen Cincotti’s world-record 61.75 ears devoured in Major League Eating’s 2017 International Corn Eating Contest at the Sweet Corn Fiesta in West Palm Beach. The festival will again fill Yesteryear Village at the South Florida Fairgrounds with food, rides and live music 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Sunday, including an amateur corn-eating contest (registration, open until 12:45 p.m., is free) as a lead-in to the professional main event. The winning amateur gets a trophy and $100. Festival admission costs $10, ages 6-11 $5. Children's unlimited ride wristband: $5. Visit SweetCornFiesta.com.
Runners will hit the beach in Hollywood 8 a.m. Sunday for the morning for the Hollywood RUNS for Haiti 5K along the Broadwalk, beginning in Charnow Park. All proceeds benefit the nonprofit Hollywood C.A.R.E.S. for Haiti and its support for an orphanage and school in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, for children affected by HIV/AIDS. Entry costs $30. Visit Facebook.com/HCForHaiti.
TAKE A LITTLE TRIP
Lowrider magazine’s third annual Miami Lowrider Custom Car Super Show brings hydraulic-hopping action and cars, trucks and bikes from around the country to the Miami-Dade County Fair and Expo Center 11 a.m.-7 p.m. Sunday. Tickets start at $20. Visit MiamiLowRiderCarShow.com.
OTHER VOICES, OTHER ROOMS
Singer-songwriter Shauna Sweeney, opening for 10,000 Maniacs at the Broward Center in Fort Lauderdale on Thursday (April 26), can be found at the Rhum Shak in Lake Worth 5-8 p.m. Friday (Facebook.com/ShaunaSweeneyMusic) … Oigo (and his Experimental Trio) performs 7:30 p.m. at Wynwood Yard in Miami (Facebook.com/OigoMusic) … Billy Livesay and Cuqui Berrios from the Livesays are at Bogart's American Kitchen in Hollywood 7-10 p.m. Saturday (TheLivesaysMusic.com) … Delray Beach’s Spiral Light channels the Grateful Dead 9 p.m. Saturday at the Funky Buddha Brewery in Oakland Park (Facebook.com/SpiralLightBand) … Red Light Motel brings driving indie rock to Dada in Delray Beach on a bill with KAFI 10:30 p.m. Saturday (Facebook.com/RedLightMotel) … Ella Herrera conjures her acoustic storytelling during brunch at the Blind Monk in West Palm Beach 10 a.m.-1 p.m. Sunday (TheBlindMonk.com) …