When Jennifer Lawrence is on the late-night circuit, ridiculous things are bound to spill out of her mouth.
The wisecracking "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire" star swung by "The Late Show With David Letterman" on Wednesday to promote her latest film, which opens Friday. The 23-year-old and her costars have been doing a whirlwind international press tour for the last few weeks before resuming filming on the third and fourth installments of the franchise.
JLaw was tired, so very tired, and it was becoming really obvious in her protracted, TMI-filled interview (to be followed up by an early appearance on "Good Morning America" on Thursday.)
The freshly coiffed actress started off the appearance talking about her pixie cut and the deja vu it gave her.
"I got a haircut on a cruise once when I was 11," she added. "Don't do that if you ever get that idea. I did the same thing as this, 'I was like I'm gonna cut my hair, I'm going to cut it all off.' I don't know why...
"I had really curly hair and so it was a 'fro," she said. "And then I looked like one of my brothers for like a year. It takes a while for it to grow back. I do have really curly hair, so when this stuff, when it doesn't have a professional involved it looks pretty masculine."
Letterman asked her about her peers' reaction when she returned to school to debut the look, but it turns out she wasn't as fabulous as she thought.
"I walked into the gym before school and everybody was talking and everything, and I walked in feeling great and everybody just went dead silent," she said. "I, of course, thought because I looked so beautiful. I was like, 'Ooh my God, I'm literally a show stopper.'
"I was weird," she added, then demonstrated how crazy she was when it came to brushing her teeth at age 10 and how her brother Ben joined her for the appearance "to settle some of the score of all the things I've said about them in the past."
The interview took up most of the hour with Lawrence recapping tons of awkward stories about being sick or exhausted. (Letterman later took up her cause and called out movie execs for overworking her.)
"I thought I had an ulcer, and it turns out it was a 'falser,'" she said about a story that had her going to the ER this week. "I went to the emergency room, I just had this really bad pain for three weeks and you can only ... so many times a day before you like have to go to the emergency room and before you're like, 'I need to go to the hospital.'
"But I just did this thing yesterday where the first lucid conversation I had was about the Kardashians," she said, adding that she made the anesthesiologist promise her that she'd watch "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills."
"They said that the problem is either in my lower intestine or my mind. They only had time [to check] the upper... Something's wrong with me and I'm going to find out what it is," she laughed. "I don't care how many medical bills I rack up, I'm going to get a disease! Somebody's just going to have to give me something, 'OK, that's what I have.'"
Lawrence attempted to change the subject: "How about that mayor that smokes crack?!" she said, invoking Rob Ford.
That didn't work, so Letterman brought up how she's probably beloved by fans in her native Kentucky.
"Well, yeah, the ones that come up to my face. But for every person that says they like me, there are a lot of people who don't."
The Dior spokeswoman wore a black pencil skirt with an embellished black crop top, about which she complained to the salty host. He then mentioned Lawrence's thigh-baring Los Angeles premiere dress, which appeared to prompt a discussion over the commercial break about Lawrence being cold and complaining -- a running theme in the interview.
"My palms are sweating profusely, my rings are falling off. Do you ever get so cold you you start sweating? Is that just a gross problem I have?" she said.
"Have you always been hypochondriacal?" Letterman quipped.
"I don't know what that means, but it sounds like a disease, which means I have it! So, yes, yes I have!"
Letterman then called for a wrap for the star: a bright pink floral comforter. She gratefully hugged it around her and was joined beneath it by the the host. (Yes, that really happened.)
"Good night everybody. Get right under here!" he said. "Oh, I wish they'd go away."
Of course, Lawrence then resumed her interview wrapped in the blanket.
Letterman then recapped the epic tumble she took while accepting her best actress Oscar for "Silver Linings Playbook" in February.
"Best memory of my life," she called it.
"That's a great thing and people really empathized with that moment," Letterman said, because "you can be a great actress and still be one of us. A lot of the great actresses get to be snotty, you're not snotty."
"They can walk up stairs, I hope I never turn into one of those," she quipped.
But that came with a story containing a by now familiar theme. "He, like, gave me some healthy drink that was so healthy I think it shocked my system. I was at work, I was like, 'Woody, is there something in there that can make me crap my pants?' And he was like,'Yeah, yeah, there's lots of stuff.' And he starts listing all this stuff and I started sweating and I was like, sweating, 'What's happening?' It keeps happening to me!"
"It's like really bad first date," Letterman joked. "She won't stop talking about crapping her pants, so I took her home."
Someone get this girl a nap!
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